She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
