There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
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She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
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just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand