went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.