You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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