im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
