Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
And then he peed in my hair
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