Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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