I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
