he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
