I think im going to throw up on grandma
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
