This girl is more easily done than said...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
