I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
