Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
