video games are the ultimate cock blocker
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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