Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
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You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
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All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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