I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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