When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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