A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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