Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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