Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
