apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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