I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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