my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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