i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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