Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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