Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
operation have a gay friend backfired
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.