when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize