I love having hate sex.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just sucked dick on a ferry
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.