to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.