I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.