My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...