1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed