My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
