On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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