I wanna bring you to show and tell
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
