What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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