You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you win again, gameday.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
