I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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