I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
