I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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