never play flip cup with pint glasses
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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