And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
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He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So squirting runs in the family.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
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He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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