If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
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she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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