Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
