No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Two words: nipple clamps
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