Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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