Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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