someone threw a dead crab at me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
