Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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