i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
