That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
