He had one of those small greek statue penises
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
