the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
do herpes really smell.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
