i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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