I bet he comes in French.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
