Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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