I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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