Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
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Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
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I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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