My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
