Tell her she can't have a vagina
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
