I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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