Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
