looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
