so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
