Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
