Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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