it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
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The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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