There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
