I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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