i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
