Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
