it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
