if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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