I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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