The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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