I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
